Chasing after the moon

Do you ever get so overwhelmed you just want to run? Sometimes my mind goes and goes and doesn't want to stop. I think, alot, about practically everything that goes in my life. Often times Im reflecting on the way I interacted with others, and what was said to me.

This was the case several nights ago. I had so many people telling me so many things and I had to choose what was true and what was just blabber. 10 at night and I was still feeling down, knowing that I needed to just let words that were said go, because truth is not spoken all the time. Finally I decided that I had to go. I had to be in a different place then here, somewhere, anywhere. I put on sweat pants and a hoodie, grabbed my i-pod and cellular, and left. I didn't know where I was going, or when I'd be back but I went. Then I decided that while I was out I might as well get in some fitness to boost up the lack of self-confidence. If Im not right on the inside, at least I'll look good on the outside right? Wrong. I dont care what I look like. I mean ya I try to look presentable but if someone doesn't like the way I did my hair, to bad its just me. If I cared would that help the esteem? Probably not, because no matter how many times I'm told I'm cute, or pretty, or whatever, it just doesn't sink in til a person believes it on the inside.

So if the inside is what counts, why do so many ignore what their heart is saying? There are things, issues, hurts, emotions, hate, doubts, all these emotions that are building walls up around the heart and yet people think they can keep on living. How? I mean if I held on to every single thing that was said and done to me nobody would want to be around. So just let it go. The hurt, the pain, the anger, the grudges, all negativity. Just get over it because your only helping yourself to feel better.

I don't want to live my life in a negative world. We can't help what goes on around us, things like aids, famine, abuse, suicides...but we have entire control over the inside of us. Once your heart belongs to God, then you need to watch and keep it. Guard your heart when negative and untrue things are being spoken to you. People are going to try to bring you down, its life. Use their "suggestions" to build yourself. Take the emotions that it made you feel, (anger, hate, hurt, lower self-confidence, and many more) and put them into something. Write a song, a poem, do something with it. Don't hold on to it, get it out, then let it go.

Think about all the things you hold on to emotionally. If they were actually tangible objects, we would be carrying a very heavy load. All these things are jammed into one heart, our own. If its stuffed full of the bad, where will Jesus fit? Make room for God, He is the only one who can change your life. And whenever God is involved, its going to be greater, bigger, better.

I jogged. Far. Out to the country where no one could hear or see me. And I screamed. I screamed all the things I was holding on to. The pain. the breaking points, the times when the closest became the farthest. And I realized that sometimes things just aren't worth keeping in because God wants you to be keeping on. Grieve, mourn, laugh, cry, do whatever you need to do to get through it, then get over it and let it go. I did.